Topical satire: Explanatory memorandum of a responsible family budget

Thousands of Estonian families gather on beaches in fall to observe next year's state budget.
Thousands of Estonian families gather on beaches in fall to observe next year's state budget. Source: Tyler Nix/Unsplash

While the 2024 draft budget was being put together, thousands of households all over Estonia scrambled to lock down their own budgets, activity metrics and target levels by outcome domain. How Mom, Dad, Daughter, Dog, Cat and Mouse put together the family budget.

Family budget meeting

Location: Kitchen
Participants: Mom, Dad, Daughter, Dog, Cat, Mouse


Mom: Because our family switched to activities-based budgeting, we need to sort out our financial details by Michaelmas. We'll not have time during the turnip harvest.

Dad: What?

Mom: Turnips.

Dad: No, the other thing.

Mom: Oh. Well, the concept of activities-based budgeting means introducing results-oritented management in which strategic management is married with financial accounting and where resources are planned based on results.

Dad: What?

Daughter: Let's move this along, I need to be on TikTok.

Dad: Where?

Mom: Don't ramble, old man. Tell us, daughter, your beauty unrivaled on TikTok, where should we start?

Daughter: A consolidated budget of family resources.

Dog: Woof!

Cat: I think – and yes, I am just a talking cat – that we should start with program activity metrics and target levels.

Dad: What?

Dog: Woof!

Mom: Shut the hell up! Good idea, my dear kitty. Using results metrics is absolutely necessary for better results-based management. A results field is a long-term measurable goal of our family.

Mouse: A results field's development document is called a domain-specific development plan.

Dog: We could say our family is pursuing budgeting policy innovation in the turnip farming sector the result of which will be a transparent budget and an effective household. I mean, woof!

Dad: What?

Mom: Woof! Means, yes, of course. What is our primary results field, oh daughter, who you are more beautiful still on Instagram?

Daughter: The first results field is "Having a home." Do we have a home?

Cat. Yes. However, the last measured level – allow me to remind you that I'm still just a talking cat – in 2022 was "no home."

Dad: What do you mean there's no home?

Mom: We used to live under a tree.

Dad: Oh, right. It was a simpler time. What's the 2024 target level?

Daughter: That we have a home.

Mom: Will we?

Daughter: Let's put down that we'll have it, and maybe we will then.

Dad: I'd like to move back under the tree.

Mom: We'll go in 2025, I promise, but stop your rambling, old man. Oh daughter, so pretty on Onlyfans, what is our next results field?

Cat: May I answer this one myself?

Mom: Go ahead.

Cat: Whether there's milk. The last measured level was that milk nyetu.

Dad: Are we now talking about a zero budget?

Cat: No, we're talking about zero milk, and at the risk of repeating those who spoke before me, don't ramble, old man. I think that the 2024 target level should be navalom levels of milk at all times.

Mom: Why do you always revert to a Russian accent when talking about milk?

Cat: I am not obligated to answer that.

Dog: Excuse me, but looking at the long-term family budget strategy, milk doesn't matter and we need bones instead. There have been promises of bones all along, but where are the bones?

Dad: No bone for you, chew on turnips, weasel!

Mom: Dog and old man, stop rambling. I've lost the threat completely. What were we talking about?

Daughter: Target levels, more narrowly, while in the big picture we prioritize research and development and innovation, which also helps to grow out economy.

Cat: Referring to growing a simple turnip as "economy" is a bit of a stretch.

Mouse: Perhaps it's a startup.

Mom: Stop arguing, neither one of you knows the first thing about the economy.

Cat: Whether we'll stop or not, we're still writing it down.

Mom: Stop rambling, cat. The most important thing is for our home to be nice and cozy. And looking at the results field "Nice and Cozy Home," I'm glad to report that our home was nice and cozy in 2022 and the 2024 target level is that it will still be nice and cozy. Okay, we'll have to include a slight decline in the 2024 target level – 16.7 percent.

Dad: What decline?

Mom: I don't believe you'll make it through the winter.

Dad: What's to believe.

Daughter: What about food. You mentioned a milk crisis there, cat.

Cat: I ate the mouse in the meantime. Everything is under control.

Mom: Oh, good. Let's write down that the last measured level was "hungry" and the 2024 target is "full." Praise the Lord, we've done it.

Daughter: What about the mouse?

Mom: Fine. The previously measured level was "one mouse" and the 2024 target is "no mouse."


Follow ERR News on Facebook and Twitter and never miss an update!

Editor: Marcus Turovski

Hea lugeja, näeme et kasutate vanemat brauseri versiooni või vähelevinud brauserit.

Parema ja terviklikuma kasutajakogemuse tagamiseks soovitame alla laadida uusim versioon mõnest meie toetatud brauserist: