Just a few years ago, 36-year-old Minna Kivi was very comfortable socializing. But after multiple car crashes led to an anxiety disorder, she now struggles with larger crowds, and interacting with strangers has become increasingly difficult.

"Before that, I had no trouble at all chatting with people; I had no problem being somewhere crowded," Kivi recalled in an appearance on ETV's "Ringvaade" on Friday.

After the crash, she said, something just flipped — and that was it.

"You just cry hysterically, shake, and feel scared of absolutely everything," Kivi described. "Then my family doctor prescribed me Xanax to help calm me down, but I really didn't want to take it; I wanted to manage on my own. Unfortunately, I ended up needing them for quite a long time."

Less than two years her senior, Kivi's partner Ain Vahtre said the most anxiety-filled chapter of his life came in early adulthood.

"It just hits you so hard — you start dripping sweat, get overheated, feel like you're having an allergic reaction," he said, describing his symptoms. "It gets hard to breathe, and you end up in a full-blown panic attack. You feel like you can't walk anywhere, can't even step outside. You take maybe five steps, then run right back in, because you just can't do it — you're afraid you're going to die."

Vahtre said that both doctors and his parents suspected he was faking it. He didn't see any real help coming either — until he came across a very candid post about anxiety by a young woman on the then-popular social network Orkut.

"From that moment on, I had something to hold onto," he said. "I read her post and reached out, and we started talking right away. We made a group, and well over 170 people joined. Everyone was young."

In the time Vahtre was a member of that group, more than 20 of its members died by suicide.

At the time, Kivi was living and working in Finland. Their story as a couple began when Vahtre also found work there, but after a while, the two decided to move back to Estonia.

"One morning, I told Minna, 'Let's move — let's go to Tartu County, where we can get away from it all,'" he recalled. "We had already been coming here for some time to mow the lawn and work. And that was that — we stuck to our word, got in the car at 6 a.m. and drove here."

When they first arrived, there was no running water, the woods were overgrown and the house was little more than four walls and a roof.

"And back then, we only had enough electricity to either charge a phone or turn on a light," Vahtre admitted. "You couldn't do both at once."

Farm experiences for kids

Today, the couple has been together for 15 years, nearly ten of which they've spent living on a farm near Elva. They have three kids.

"We really get each other," Kivi said. "We've both been through it. Without him, I definitely wouldn't be where I am now. He's constantly pushing me forward."

A few years ago, the couple started a hobby farm at their home called Talu ja Loomad ("Farm and Animals"), aimed at giving children the chance to enjoy nature, spend time with animals and experience farm life up close.

The farm is home to nearly 100 birds and other animals, including horses.

Vahtre is mainly in charge of building, while Kivi is mainly in charge of caring for the animals. Both have stepped outside their comfort zones with this project.

Occasionally, anxiety can still make it hard for Kivi to host visitors to their farm.

"I might come off as arrogant or grumpy, but people don't always know what you might be wrestling with inside yourself just as they're trying to interact with you," she acknowledged. "During birthday package tours, I sometimes had to tell my partner, 'Maybe you could go instead — I just can't right now.'"

What helps more than anything when it comes to coping with anxiety is the animals.

"If I had to give up the animals, I think I'd end up in the hospital," Kivi said. "The animals are what help get me outside, because they want food, water, attention, care. They're one of the things that help. Of course, my family's support is also huge."

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