If you ask an Estonian about linguistic politeness, the conversation will immediately turn to the use of the informal and formal pronouns for "you" – sina and teie.

One might also expect small talk to come up, given that the Estonian-language term for it listed in the Institute of the Estonian Language's (EKI) compound dictionary is viisakusvestlus – which translates literally as "courtesy conversation."

"But Estonians don't associate that word with the phenomenon we wanted to study," said Renate Pajusalu, professor of general linguistics at the University of Tartu (TÜ).

In the first study of its kind, Pajusalu, together with Miina Norvik, associate professor of Finnic languages and linguistic typology likewise at TÜ, sought answers to questions about what small talk is to Estonians, and how it is perceived here. Their work was based on interviews conducted for the collection of linguistic life stories with 33 Estonians, ranging in age from 9 to 73 years old.

"We were surprised that they didn't think of small talk as a matter of politeness," Pajusalu recalled. "In the literature on politeness, filling a silence is often mentioned as a polite conversational practice. Instead, [participants] thought more along the lines of, 'I feel bad in that situation.'"

Politics no longer talked about

In their research, Pajusalu and Norvik defined small talk as a conversation whose sole purpose is to establish and maintain interpersonal relationships. It can lead to more serious conversation, but the initial motive for the exchange isn't a common communicative task or the desire to learn something about the other person.

"We began by asking how what's referred to in English as small talk occurs in Estonia," Pajusalu explained. "All of our participants had an opinion on this – even the youngest ones. Then we went from there."

Followup questions concerned potential small talk scenarios, how people felt in those situations as well as appropriate and inappropriate topics of conversation.

"The standard example we gave was running into an acquaintance in an elevator or at a standing reception, but people expanded on the range of examples themselves," Norvik highlighted. "It was great that they had so many interesting examples."

These included public transport and waiting rooms, but also various events, including family gatherings like birthdays, weddings and funerals. People didn't engage in small talk with close relatives. Rather, they spoke this way with (distant) acquaintances, especially if one hadn't seen the other person in a long time.

In certain situations, people considered it appropriate to just remain silent.

"'If you go to the ER, you have to sit there for four hours, right? You don't start talking to anyone,'" Pajusalu said. "That's what one 66-year-old man said."

A 57-year-old woman described another example, saying, "You don't strike up a conversation with someone you sort of know taking the elevator to the sixth floor with stops."

Also considered acceptable was strangers waiting in silence together at a bus stop. During longer events, however, people would try to come up with something to talk about.

"We conducted our survey in 2020, and took a look at what topics people discussed," Norvik recalled. "A lot of people said that 'we used to talk about politics, but not anymore.' That was when the polarization of society had just begun."

Varied small talk savvy

Consistently deemed appropriate topics for small talk, meanwhile, were the weather, something to do with the situation or joking around. While there were some participants who nonetheless didn't think it appropriate to talk about the weather, some respondents were quite savvy when it came to getting a conversation going.

"One 16-year-old was even clever enough to right away start asking questions that couldn't be answered with just a yes or no," she continued.

Around half of those interviewed responded to questions about how they felt in small talk situations. Of these, three found that there was nothing wrong with it, and notably, according to Norvik, two of them had lived for at least some time in the U.S. For the other 12 people, small talk was somewhat uncomfortable.

"That's where our scale came from: 'somewhat uncomfortable' and 'somewhat embarrassing' all the way up to 'a terrible situation'," she described.

Lastly, one's attitudes toward small talk were influenced by their occupation as well. For example, a ministry employee may have received training in small talk and be comfortable talking about politics at work.

"One hairdresser, meanwhile, mentioned that they have no choice but to chat with their clients; they felt like it was weird to be in physical contact with someone and remain silent," Pajusalu noted.

Norvik added that the hairdresser was even well versed enough in small talk to share tips on how to get a conversation going with people of various ages.

"They said that for young people, compliments really work wonders – like about their shoes," the associate professor noted. "With middle-aged folks, the hairdresser recommended commenting on a song playing in the background or the weather, likewise complimenting them or even talking about parking spots."

'We don't really talk much'

According to the two authors, participants in their research often mentioned national stereotypes related to talkativeness.

"Many of them made generalizing statements, like 'We as Estonians don't talk very much,'" Pajusalu highlighted.

Expanding on this, Norvik said that people would often initially say something about themselves, and then expand that to include all Estonians. "For example, 'Estonians aren't very good at starting a conversation like that,' or, 'We're generally more reserved – we don't really chat much,'" she cited as examples of this.

Pajusalu said that scientifically speaking, it isn't accurate to claim that a single conversational standard applies to an entire language, because various people communicate very differently.

"Variation between individuals is much greater than variation between languages, but people still hold onto these stereotypes," she acknowledged.

For instance, there are international stereotypes like that of the quiet Finn and the quiet Norwegian. According to the professor, a paper has been written claiming that the quiet Finn is one of the most prominent scientific myths, as it hasn't been scientifically proven.

"At the same time, a study has been conducted with Finns who lived in France and French people who lived in Finland – it found that the French saw Finns as quiet and withdrawn," she said. Finns, in turn, considered the French to be too talkative and prone to idle chatter. So there is some evidence to it, she admitted.

"As for Estonians, right now we seem to be quiet, but that isn't [seen as] a good thing," Pajusalu observed based on participants' responses. "We should be able to cope with uncomfortable situations and find a way to talk."

Becoming more open?

She added that tolerance of silence is considered an American approach, and that quiet northern peoples should, by this logic, enjoy silence. "It was clear in our interviews that Estonians don't enjoy it," she highlighted.

On the contrary, according to Norvik, participants' shallow conversation efforts evidently often failed, considering how successful small talk was highlighted as something exceptional. Since people felt that they themselves weren't particularly good at small talk, they didn't consider it rude if the other person didn't try to initiate it either.

"When the other person was talkative and brought up [conversation] topics with ease, people then felt good and tried to contribute to the conversation," she continued. When two quieter people got together, however, the situation could end up being challenging for both.

According to the associate professor, this study was only just the first step, but plenty of material exists for further research. For example, she found the responses of the two participants with American experience particularly interesting.

"They mentioned, among other things, that Estonians have become more open," Norvik highlighted. "Changes have taken place in the time they've spent moving back and forth between the two countries."

TÜ's Renate Pajusalu and Miina Norvik wrote about their research for the multidisciplinary Journal of Politeness Research.

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