April saw the start of this year's "Anname Au!" ("Let's give honor") charity drive in support of Estonia's war veterans.

Afanasjev said he didn't venture to seek help on mental health issues until after he had left the military, as he was afraid of losing his job.

In his view, Estonia has lost more soldiers at home than it has on foreign missions, thanks to the weak support for veterans' mental health.

He said: "Every man chooses a mission in life that he wants to carry out, and everyone who goes there has chosen their life's mission."

Afanasjev conceded that everyone who goes on a mission goes there with their eyes wide open.

"Yet we're still not ready for what might actually happen there. Watching it in the movies is one thing, living through it yourself is another. We all come with different life experiences — what someone's been through before, what's going on at home. The mission environment just amplifies it and raises the stress level. You come home and don't even realize something's wrong. It's the loved ones who notice first," he said.

Afanasjev recalled the worst moment in 2010, when a comrade fell in action.

"I was watching the exact same spot and covering their movement. That image will never leave me — how the situation escalated, and what happened next," he said.

Despite this continuing to haunt him, Afanasjev said the only thought that has continued to sustain him is that if he survived three missions, he has no excuse not to be able to deal with life now.

Both of his parents are disabled, which added stress upon returning home, Afanasjev said. He turned to therapists for help.

"I remember that moment, four years after I had already come back from the mission. I was overweight, drinking too much, my life was on a downward spiral. I only asked for help after I left the military—I was afraid I'd lose my job," Afanasjev recalled.

"But today I'm able to smile."

There are many veterans in civilian life who need help, because after returning from a mission, they don't know where to channel their energy or what to do next, he noted.

Afanasjev has always sought out challenges for himself — today he is a leadership coach and development partner.

The Anname Au initiative and the blue hepatica flower which can be worn to show support originated among the veterans themselves, over a decade ago.

Inspired by Remembrance Day and the wearing of red poppies in the U.K., Canada and other countries, as well as ANZAC Day in Australia and New Zealand, also in April, the anthem "Before the dusk fades," dating to the Estonian War of Independence, was chosen to mark the day.

Heino Prunsvelt's "Blue Hepatica" was chosen as best design and has been worn ever since.

Veterans Day in Estonia is April 23, while the call to wear the Blue Hepatica and support the Anname Au initiative began at the start of this month.

--

Follow ERR News on Facebook and Twitter and never miss an update!