The informal minutes of Tallinn coalition negotiations are brought to you by the Edgar Savisaar memorial bug.

Pärtel: Another busy day is coming to a close. I'm kind of hungry. How about we order some food? Or shall I place the order and go pick it up myself. I have a cargo bike.

Marek: Everyone knows you have a cargo bike. You've only said it a million times. I have a pickup truck, while you don't see me rubbing it in everyone's faces.

Pärtel: You're a pest and don't care about urban space creation. What would your voters say if they knew?

Marek: What voters?

Urmas: Precisely. But let's move on. Basically, this is the first sensible idea I've heard here all week. And I'm hungry too. I propose ordering big buckets of chicken from KFC. I have a brilliant discount over there. Basically, it's all you can eat chicken for me.

Jevgeni: And what are you expected to give in return? I know who owns KFC in Estonia, I know how it works. Every bucket of chicken is emptied by the end of the evening, and philosophy tells us that empty buckets tend to clatter. It was Plato who said in his "Apology of Socrates" that...

Riina: Mercy, Jevgeni. Think of the children, just think of the children!

Urmas: Exactly. It's not a hill to die on, I just thought we could use more KFC and Bigbank effect in our lives.

Martin: What are you talking about, Urmas?

Urmas: Wait, sorry. I got strange thoughts again. It's the Seeder syndrome, you know. It happens when one spends too much time thinking of the fatherland. Not that you would understand. You do not spend enough time thinking of the fatherland.

Aleksei: I did, on several occasions even.

Urmas: It's your turn to speak when chickens learn to pee, Aleksei.

Aleksei: Where, at KFC?

Pärtel: I was thinking about getting chickens. We could ride around Tallinn with them, monitoring urban spaces and traffic density. I own a cargo bike.

Riina: Pick up the KFC while you're at it.

Karl-Sander: Listen, how about we move on? My mouth is watering and stomach growling. Let's order a pizza. Everyone likes pizza.

Joel: An excellent idea!

Urmas: Who is that?

Joel: Who?

Urmas: You.

Joel: I represent Eesti 200.

Urmas: Strange, it's the first time I'm hearing about it. But Isamaa agrees to pizza, as long as there are no red toppings.

Jevgeni: That is not entirely up to us. As we know, tomato sauce is an instrumental part of pizza. We cannot rule out tomato in all its forms. If Isamaa opposes tomato, it is basically opposing our sovereignty and democracy as such.

Riina: You're going overboard again, while I know which border you would like to be crossing instead. Whether there's tomato on pizza is fully up to us, think if only of the children.

Pärtel: The decision of what to have on the pizza should be the Reform Party's.

Karl-Sander: Why do I get the feeling that every time you say "Reform Party," you really mean yourself?

Pärtel: The Reform Party likes sausage, and the pizza should have sausage. I like sausage and have...

Urmas: ...a cargo bike – we know. So, do I have it right that it's horse trading after all?

Marek: You have half the things wrong, while I have the other half, so between us, we've got it covered.

Madle: Sorry for butting in here. Hi, I'm Madle!

Everyone: Hello, Madle.

Madle: It seems we're headed for an impasse. I've actually already ordered the pizza. I asked them to just make note of the tomato sauce, including it while also not having it there.

Marek: How did you pay for it? The city is practically broke?

Jevgeni: We have plenty of money, don't worry. Urmas?

Urmas: There's money, but money is not the most important thing in life. What matters are patriotic principles, ideals, our national pride... He-he, look, Jüri has posted a picture with a dog on Facebook. Look at how cute they are! That's a thousand votes right there! Nice!

Sander: Only old people go on Facebook.

Urmas: Stay out of it when the adults are influencing, Sander.

Riina: Gentlemen, gentlemen, let us try to stay on track. While there may be money, are you sure the pizza isn't another link in the Centrist food chain?

Madle: It is part of a chain as far as I'm aware.

There's a knock on the door.

Pärtel: What do we do now? What if it's Mihhail?

Jevgeni: Mihhail wouldn't knock. He would just take an axe to the door.

Urmas: Enter!

Pizza delivery team Aas-Mölder steps in the room.

Aas-Mölder: Evening, ladies and gentlemen! We've brought your pizza but won't be giving it to you because you lack the necessary document.

Marek: What document?

Aas-Mölder: The coalition agreement of course.

Riina: But we'll starve. Just think of the children!

Marek: A solution needs to be found.

Jevgeni: Sunday is looking good.

Urmas: Get the reds!

Madle: I'm Madle

Pärtel: I have a cargo bike.

Mihhail: Here's Johnny!

--

Follow ERR News on Facebook and Twitter and never miss an update!