Speaking to "Vikerhommik," Käpp added: "This internalized inability to cope with a situation creates a sense that someone must be guilty, which might make things easier for me. But in reality, it doesn't."

Käpp was speaking on the 30th anniversary of the sinking of the MS Estonia, in which 852 people perished.

With today's day of remembrance, Käpp said we should be both grateful and recognize those moments when a person can feel happiness, even down to the tips of their toes, so fleeting is life.

Of the September 28, 1994 disaster, Käpp said it "is part of our story now; the story of our people, our nation," whose impact "hinges on the meaning we assign to that story."

According to Käpp, the meanings that people attribute to the tragedy can vary significantly depending on the extent to which they were affected by it.

Käpp said: "I believe that this ranges widely: There are those people who no longer think about it at all, then there are others who think about it every day. My perception is that these stories are all highly diverse. We can't easily assemble a single, unified picture."

"It seems to me that there is an important key point here: It is hard to find peace when you haven't truly said farewell. This is a crucial point, which we have to consider: What are the rituals and practices that can help those in mourning to let go?" Käpp continued.

"The hardest things are those things we can't release. Of course, we never completely let go of any grief or leaving — these all transform our lives. The question is, what do we let them do to our lives?" Käpp reflected.

Time doesn't heal much by itself; what counts is what we do with our experiences of trauma, according to Käpp.

"Yes, certainly places to pause, and remember, can help. Ceremony in general helps many people in such situations – which indeed is why we hold them.

"There is also the question of what we remember and commemorate," Käpp added.

"We grieve often for what someone would be like today — we also grieve for the normality we thought would come, but never did. It is worth attending to the wound, and not burying our heads in the sand. But it is also well worth reflecting on the beautiful memories, and holding onto them," she continued.

Trying to find someone or something to blame for a catastrophe of this kind is a natural human response, Käpp noted. "We want to find a culprit, 'crucify' them, and then the matter will be resolved. But that is not how things really are."

"So long as we are stuck in that blaming mindset, we will not be able to find a solution. /---/ An internalized inability to cope with this situation creates a feeling that someone must be responsible, which makes it easier. But in reality, it doesn't," Käpp stressed.

According to Käpp, black-and-white answers may be easier to process, but they don't really change the situation: They do nothing to bring the people back or to make the disaster un-happen.

"We could think about it from this perspective: if we find out what happened, will we be able to improve things in society more broadly? Will it help us to be safer in shipping as a whole?" Käpp pondered.

"There are many situations in which we want to say that everything happens for a reason. But with a disaster like this, we shouldn't say that; this would be the wrong phrase to use

"However, there are certainly situations where we can grow as a society or as individuals. Ultimately, all people are one with God, one way or another; some arrive there after a shorter journey, others after a longer one. Often, the best people get there sooner – it's possible that God just wants to surround Himself with some very good company," Käpp went on.

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