Feature | How do you talk to children about war?

A new book by Ukrainian artist and educator Hanna Davidova aims to help start conversations with children about the war in Ukraine, as well as the challenges of adapting to somewhere new. ERR News' Michael Cole spoke to Davidova about the book and how she has taken to life in Estonia.
When she arrived in Estonia from Kyiv in March 2022, writing and illustrating a children's book was definitely not part of Hanna Davidova's plans. "I remember in the beginning, I didn't even have my materials with me, and I felt like I didn't want to paint," Davidova says. "And, for maybe the first three months, I didn't."
Like many affected by the war in Ukraine, at first, it took Davidova a while to process what was going on. After reaching Tallinn with the first wave of refugees, it was only when "a kind woman gave me a beautiful notebook," that she started drawing again. "It wasn't like I was putting my emotions [into this], or it was about the war. I just painted because I like it."
Davidova later moved to Tartu. It was then that she began reading more about what was happening in Ukraine and immersing herself in her country's history. "I started to see a wider picture," Davidova tells me. "And I felt that I had so many things inside me which I just needed to put somewhere. I thought about how I could show that, put it on canvas or paper."
From there, things went in a slightly unexpected direction. "I used to keep a diary as a child and it had always been my dream to write a book," Davidova says, though at that point she still didn't think what she'd been working on would end up helping that dream become reality. But after discussing the idea with her husband, she decided to give it a go.

No sooner had she begun, than Davidova found herself getting swept along with the writing process. "I started to gather different details from life and from people I'd met in Tallinn – refugees – and they told me some stories. So, I put them in the book."
"Maybe, for me it was also some kind of therapy, because I wrote all of this," Davidova says, as she brings out a copy of "Kukupai ja Kukurudza" ("Kukupai and Kukurudza") from her bag to show me. After all, "the girl from this book, her name is also Hanna," she smiles.
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The Hanna in "Kukupai ja Kukurudza" is a young Ukrainian girl, who moves to Estonia with her family because of the war back home. She soon makes friends with an Estonian boy – Mattias –, who helps her adapt to her new life. In the story, both characters get to know more about each other, their homelands, people, and languages.
"Kukupai" is an Estonian word meaning "smart" or "lovely," and often used to praise children, while "Kukurudza" means "corn" in Ukrainian. How these words connect to the story becomes clear in one particular chapter of the book, Davidova says.
"Kukupai ja Kukurudza" is not about war directly, Davidova explains, but instead focuses on the experiences of refugees. "The goal was to help Ukrainian children, and Estonian children too, to help them deal with this refugee topic, and with new classmates at school," she says. "So, they know what instruments they can use to adapt."
During the writing process, Davidova met with Ukrainian mothers to find out about the unique challenges they face in raising children during the war.
For one mother she spoke to, the most difficult part was not "to go to a shelter, explain what was happening or switch her [child's] attention to other things when something is noisy." Instead, it was how to protect her children from the realization that "some evil things exist in this life."

"You are a Ukrainian patriot, but how do you explain to your children that Russia is the enemy?" Davidova asks. "It's like putting this seed of hate into a pure soul."
"Kukupai ja Kukurudza" also steers clear of that particularly difficult topic, though Davidova adds that every mother she talked with deals with it in their own way. What the book does do, however, is provide a starting point for conversations between children and their parents about these kinds of issues.
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One aspect of the war effort "Kukupai ja Kukurudza" does explore is volunteering. It's something a lot of people in Estonia, including children, have been involved in since the full-scale invasion began.
Davidova tells me she sometimes helps out in Tartu making camouflage nets to send to the Ukrainian military. There are children who join in too – Ukrainians and Estonians – and it provides a good opportunity for them to spend time together, as well as ask plenty of their own questions about the broader situation.
"They ask why we are doing this, or what happened when the war started in Ukraine," Davidova says. "We always explain it honestly, we don't try to avoid the topic."
But that's not always easy, particularly if a child gets anxious and starts asking what might happen if the war comes to Estonia too. Davidova says it's something she's discussed with teachers in Estonia to find out how they manage.

"Some of them have this [dedicated] hour in school when they talk about these different things," she explains. "I think that if a child or a teenager has not asked any questions [about it], we shouldn't present them with a terrible picture of life. But we should follow the child if they ask some questions," she says. "That's my view, but of course, people can have other opinions."
Reassurance, she believes is crucial. Whether that's letting children know that there are "so many professional adults" helping to keep them safe, or simply that "a lot of countries support Ukraine." "We should always say to them that they shouldn't be afraid," Davidova says, adding that nevertheless, "it's really important to be to be able to discuss these things."
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It's been almost three years since Russia's full-scale invasion began, forcing thousands of Ukrainians, like Davidova and main character Hanna, to leave their homes.
For Davidova, the war has undoubtedly had a big impact on how she feels about her homeland and herself. Now, she has a different way of thinking about her relationship with Ukraine.
"When you were born in a place and have some kind of connection with your ancestors, you understand who you are. It gives you self-confidence," she says, "and I am Ukrainian."
That sense of belonging is also important for children, she adds, especially those who have been forced to grow up far from home. "Because they are our future, and they should understand that they can go back to Ukraine when they are able to make their own decision [to do so]," she says.
"Ukraine is not just the flag, [President Volodymyr] _Zelenskyy and modern Kyiv," Davidova smiles, "it's something older and deeper than that."

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On Thursday, January 16, a discussion on how to talk to children about war will take place at the Tartu Art Museum. The discussion is aimed at teachers, parents, and anyone else who is interested in the topic.
The conversation will be in both English and Estonian and led by Ukrainian children's author and educator Hanna Davidova, with psychologist and family therapist Julia Laanemets. More information is available here.
"Kukupai ja Kukurudza" by Hanna Davidova (in Estonian: Hanna Davõdova) is available in Estonian and Ukrainian. The book is aimed at 9-12 year olds.
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Editor: Helen Wright